Anger Management Counseling
Hello, my name is Robert Berridge. I am a licensed therapist in Washington and Michigan, who specializes in anger management, life transitions, grief, and loss. I am a personal therapist, meaning I treat individuals, as opposed to groups, families and couples. Today I would like to discuss how I came to anger management counseling.
Ever since second grade angry kids came to me because I was a genuinely interested listener, comfortable with them yelling and expressing their anger. I didn’t see anger as who they were, but simply how they felt. They knew I didn’t see them as bad because they were angry. I was simply there for them, listening, helping them regulate their emotions, and not reacting.
I grew up in a family of seven boys. Our parents were always interested in our emotional stories involving our brothers, and they didn’t see feelings as problems. We lived in the country with only one neighbor who also had seven children; six boys and one girl. So, there were essentially fourteen of us, and we did get angry!
Anger has benefits, including the ability to set boundaries, stay true to ourselves, and to protect our own or a loved one’s identity. Anger gives us courage to enter into conflicts, helps us recognize anger in others and have the patience to let them express their own anger. Everyone is entitled to their anger, it’s how we effectively navigate our anger that is important.
I do not consider anger a problem, but a feeling. It needs to be understood, not controlled. Each feeling has a specific solution, and sometimes, anger gets your attention because you are not listening to another feeling, frustration. Incorrectly labeling feelings results in trying the wrong solution, which can escalate the problem. So it’s important to ensure that anger is the original feeling, before we react.
Each feeling has a specific question for you. The first question could be “Is this feeling justified by evidence?” Or, “if it’s true, is it a big deal?” If the feeling is not anger, we need to precisely name the original feeling. We need to take time to collect our thoughts before speaking or reacting, to be sure we can express our feelings in an honest and non-confrontational way.
Once we are able to correctly identify our feelings, we can work on effective solutions. Stress reduction techniques such as exercise, short breaks during stressful times of the day, being respectful and specific when we state our feelings and expectations, using humor versus sarcasm to diffuse tension, and relaxation skills can help us be more effective in dealing with our feelings and finding solutions.
The end goal of therapy is not anger “management”, but rather, anger “navigation”. Although we may strive for smooth sailing, weather happens. Ships need to navigate the seas, and we need to navigate our feelings and our conflicts. The test of effective therapy is how you feel the day after an uncomfortable conflict. If you feel that you stayed true to yourself without damaging the relationship, then that is what successful anger navigation looks and feels like. If you are looking for anger management counseling or individual counseling near me, book a session with me.
